Friday, June 30, 2006

The Piano

"Come over for a cup' o coffee..", she smiled through the curls on her face and her body hidden behind the door.The clear ringing voice took him by surprise.He turned his body to look at her over the hedge.."I don't like coffee..its too bitter ".. There were no good byes and he drove off.

That was two weeks ago when the Neilsons had vacated the house and their son had come to take away their stuff..but she was still waitingf for him.Evey day as the clouds roared and poured down..the wind howled she would stand near the window..waiting for him

The car ground to a stop..there was a storm brewing up ..he could go back in no condition.There was just one place within reach before he ran out of gas.He reached the house in an hour and the moment his feet touched the ground ..he fell back in the car with something on his knees.Two brown eyes stared at his face ...."You are back...".Before he could rumble out anything..she slid off his knees and ran back in.She peeped from behind the door and said " Come over for a cup' o tea.. You don't like coffee.."..He frowned " Tea...No...way"...then he added on as an after thought " thanks anyways".A howl of laughter caught his ears as the she ran inside.He unlocked the door and went in.The tenants would move in next month..He looked around for something to eat..Obviuosly there was nothing but gulpfuls of sharp cold air and raindrops coming in like shards of water through the window.As he moved on to close the window..he heard piano notes ...He stood there..remembering.It had been two years since he had ...

He headed towards the neighbours house ..the door opened and the head peeped out again .."Hot chocolate ..I knew you like hot chocolate".This time she tentatively placed a finger in his fisted hand and led him to the kitchen .The young lady in the apron stood near the oven and mouthed something to her.Dolores turned around " Hot chocolate is on the dining table come".As they sipped on the hot chocolate.. he turned around and asked the young woman "What s her name?" ..."Dolores".." Hmm ok .."

Dolores jumped off the chair and went back to the piano..She played like an angel...He sat mesmerised.When she stopped playing...all spent..she looked up and said " One day i'll play like you".He went back in time..Since the day of the accident at the recital two years ago..He winced 30 people had died , Agnes and Winona too..he had not played the piano ..let alone litsen to anyone since then

He left ..but came by every week to the centre where she learnt piano...He never spoke..she chattered along..and a year later she played a piece of paper in his hand..invitation to her first recital.He said no..For the first time in year he saw her cry....He left.Three days later ..he litsened to her play...her piano sang like a lark and soothed the soul like a harp.He felt all tension leave him and memories fleeting...There was a crash.She had collapsed.

She was deaf.

.She was there when he had played at the recital .All of six..she wanted to play like him..but the accident..she could not hear the magic she created..the harmony and soulfullness the rythm of her tiny fingers created......and she was Dolores Winona Peres.

He had lost a Winona..today he had found one..

Ah yes..she had not collapsed just slept off while playing ..kids you see.

Ten years hence... The smell of coffee is as overwhelming as Mr Neilman brews some for Winona and she winces " Ah coffee is bitter .."..................Well so is life.

i achieved nirvana when i was alive

Philosophers often believe in all that is non material.But then come to think of it..the clothes they wear..the house they live in..the food they eat..and to top it all..the thing that pays for it all- money ...is the epitome of materialism.

So what are the philosophers exactly trying to say.It is not inanimate objects that are material, but everything that can become so dear to one ..as to stave off death or cause some one else's.It is not about being dramatic but honest.Then death again just does not being biologically..it can be spiritual... emotional...anything.To get back to the primary debate about what is philosophy..

Materialism is all that is dear to us inanimate objects ..money..house..car..job...people ... spouse..children ..fr iends..boss (he he ..obviously a joke ) and most importantly ..love , affection, familiarity.This is where the concept of indian philosophy of maya comes in.It includes love ie 'moh' for all these as materialism.

It is difficult to achuve nirvana...and detach yourself from everyone and everything, even yourself..but then there is no use giving up before you begin ..all the best.

Monday, June 26, 2006

am back

Ethereal silence
blessed thoughts
nip in the air
a fragrant mist
awakens a new dawn....
.....

Monday, June 05, 2006

This is what your boss does to you

Depression is cyclic.It just kills whatever enthusiasm you have and saps you of all energy.The way you feel n the morning is the harbinger..a sign of the kind of day that lies ahead.If you are not a morning person ..there are days when the zest for life reaches subliminal levels....then you should understand you are depressed.The mood can be uplifted during the course of the day but when the short interlude is over..the very next incident takes you back at the bottom of the pit called depression....pit..depression ...wow..i never paid attention to it !!

Just imagine the feeling when you are stuck at the bottom of a pit and there are no footholds..no people to help you out of it and then it starts raining...If you are depressed you'll feel you are gonna drown and die ..but some times depression vanishes and optimism kindles..you think maybe the water will bring me to the surface...

Writing therapy helps..am already feeling better..

Organisational politics..ego hassles..delays are a part of working life..the acceptance of a less than perfect world is difficult..but one learns with time..atleast some do...there is no hope for me though..one learns only when one comes to know what went wrong..or some one you trust guides you how to go about things....you need a parent to hold your finger in every new sphere of life..those who find it are lucky..those who struggle and learn become one in the future..and the rest try to figure it out all their lives...leading a wasteful and confused existence...